1. You are three gallons of crazy in a two-gallon bucket.
2. What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.
3. Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots.
4. In the south everyone pulls over to let a funeral procession pass.
5. In the south they don’t have fireflies, they have “lightning bugs!”
6. In the south taters are mandatory while shoes are not. In the south sweet tea is the house wine.
7. North is a direction. The south is a lifestyle.
8. There is a southern rule that says you better straighten up before I jerk a knot in your tail.
9. The south is a place where summer starts in April and macaroni and cheese is a vegetable.
10. Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella, waiting for it to rain.
11. Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back, they are behind you for a reason.
12. Only your real friends will tell you if your face is dirty.
13. Another southern rule: If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
14. Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head with a hammer.
15. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
16. When southerners are at a loss for words, they mutter “Lord, help me.”
17. If you focus on your own @$%$ you can be successful.
18. A southern saying. “Rode hard and put up wet.” Translation: Looking rough.
19. High school reunions are because you can’t hug a friend on Facebook.
20. I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.