It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over another. I have those skills.
It’s ok if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
Next time a stranger talks to you when you are alone, just look at them shocked and whisper, “You can see me?”
I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down but I had to use my arms to get back up so…you know, close enough.
You come from dust and you will return to dust. That is why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.
If someone calls you ugly have a good comeback and say, “Excuse me, I am not a mirror.”
Adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.
I remember wanting to grow up and have a job…so yes I have always been an idiot.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
I am not clumsy. It is just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in the way.
You know you are an adult when you get excited to just go home.